circ_bamboo (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
circ_bamboo) wrote2012-11-08 05:32 pm
circ_bamboo) wrote2012-11-08 05:32 pm
Entry tags:
Fic: (He'll Say) I'm Not So Tough (MCU)
So instead of the Stevetasha porn I morally owe ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
taraljc, you get this. Thanks, brain.
Title: (He'll Say) I'm Not So Tough (or on AO3)
Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Summary: Five shovel talks Steve received, and the one that really scared him.
Relationship/Characters: Steve/Natasha; the ensemble.
Rating: G? PG? Clint drops an f-bomb. It's practically wholesome.
Content Advisory:Vague threats of violence (see Summary)
Word Count: 900
Notes: Comes after/around I Bet His Mama Never Told Him Why, And When He Knows What He Wants, and And All His Presents. Someday I'll run out of lyrics to "Uptown Girl" and I'll have to stop writing this series.
one: JARVIS
“Captain Rogers?” JARVIS said, while Steve was brushing his teeth.
It took him a moment to respond, because he wasn’t used to the AI actually addressing him. “Yes?” he said.
“Now that you and Agent Romanov appear to be entering a romantic relationship, I should inform you of the privacy options available. If one requests ‘privacy mode,’ I will go dormant in the vicinity until such time that one requests the privacy mode to be off. The recording will not be available to anyone, including Sir, unless there is a pressing need, generally involving some sort of law enforcement agency. However--” And here JARVIS paused. “I will, of course, still be monitoring the area, in case of emergencies, and I will retain my full powers to lock or unlock doors, summon help, and inform necessary parties of any relevant information.”
“Oh, good,” Steve said. “Thanks, JARVIS. I’ll remember that.”
“See that you do,” JARVIS said ominously, and went silent.
It took Steve about fifteen minutes to work out that he’d been threatened by Tony’s robot butler. Huh.
* * *
two: Clint
“So, you and Nat,” Clint said, while Steve held a punching bag for him.
“Yes,” Steve said, and tried to make it sound as final as possible.
“Look,” Clint said, and stepped back, wiping his forehead with the back of a tape-wrapped hand. “She can take care of herself, obviously, and I’m really sick of shooting good guys, so can you not fuck this up so I don’t have to at least threaten to shoot you?”
Steve nodded. “I’ll do my best.”
“Good.”
* * *
three: Tony
“Oh, and by the way?” Tony called. “It’s weird to have to give both parties a threat, but if you break Natasha, you and me and the Mark VIII suit have a date, and not the fun kind. Seriously, I’m just getting used to all of you living here and that whole ‘Avengers Initiative’ thing, and I’d hate to have to break in a new Super Soldier or ex-KGB assassin.”
Steve, standing behind a desk for a modicum of privacy as he changed into a new suit prototype, blinked. He looked over the desk at Tony, who was watching a stream of information flow by on a screen, and said, “You threatened Natasha?”
“Really? That’s what you’re taking home out of this? I said to her that if she broke you we’d have words. I’m not sure that counts as a proper threat, all things considered. I did not actually suggest that I might cause physical violence toward her, although if you’re suggesting I should not do that because she’s female, might I remind you that if she and I went up against each other without the suit, I’d probably end up a grease splat on the floor?” Tony spun on his seat. “Wow, I am not so sure about that shade of red. Also, don’t break Natasha, end of story.”
“Okay, Tony.”
* * *
four: Bruce
Over breakfast one morning when it was just the two of them, Bruce set aside his tablet, looked at Steve over his glasses, and said, “Just so you know, I know almost as many ways to blow things up as Tony does, and I have a much worse temper.” He delivered the entire sentence as mildly as he ever did, but held Steve’s gaze for a moment.
Steve nodded. “Crystal clear.”
* * *
five: Coulson
Agent Coulson nodded at Steve as he joined him in the elevator and waited a whole five floors before he threw the emergency switch.
The elevator stopped and the red backup lights came on. JARVIS said, “Agent Coulson, do--”
“Not now, JARVIS,” Coulson said.
Steve frowned at him. “What’s going on?”
“I’m sure you know by now that you were my hero when I was a kid, so it’s difficult for me to say this, but I’ve actually known Agent Romanov longer than I’ve known you, and I’m very fond of her, so if you do anything to hurt her, I will be forced to cause you physical pain.”
“Um, all right,” Steve said.
“Just so we’re clear.”
“We’re clear, Agent Coulson.”
“Very good, Captain Rogers.”
* * *
and one: Pepper
Two days later, Steve got an invitation to come visit Pepper Potts down in her office on the fortieth floor of Stark Tower.
She sat at her desk, an abstract painting on the wall behind her, dressed in a dark-blue suit, her hair and makeup perfect, and smiled at him. “Natasha’s my friend, but I don’t need to say anything, do I? I’m sure the men all threatened you with various forms of physical violence, explosions, et cetera.”
He nodded. “Yes, ma’am, they did.”
“They do that. I’m not going to, of course, because I trust you.” She smiled a tad broader.
Steve gulped. “Thank you, ma’am.” Oh, dear God. She--No. That was--Great. Now he was scared.
“You’re welcome. Call me Pepper.”
There was no possible way he could call her by her first name, not after that, but he said, “Please call me Steve, then.”
“Steve. I’m glad we had this chat.”
“Yes,” he said, and meant nothing of the sort.
He ran into Tony and Bruce in the elevator on his way back to his floor. “Hey, Cap,” Tony said. “What’s new?”
“Your girlfriend is ruthless,” he said.
Bruce chuckled, and Tony grinned. “I know.”
taraljc, you get this. Thanks, brain.Title: (He'll Say) I'm Not So Tough (or on AO3)
Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Summary: Five shovel talks Steve received, and the one that really scared him.
Relationship/Characters: Steve/Natasha; the ensemble.
Rating: G? PG? Clint drops an f-bomb. It's practically wholesome.
Content Advisory:
Word Count: 900
Notes: Comes after/around I Bet His Mama Never Told Him Why, And When He Knows What He Wants, and And All His Presents. Someday I'll run out of lyrics to "Uptown Girl" and I'll have to stop writing this series.
one: JARVIS
“Captain Rogers?” JARVIS said, while Steve was brushing his teeth.
It took him a moment to respond, because he wasn’t used to the AI actually addressing him. “Yes?” he said.
“Now that you and Agent Romanov appear to be entering a romantic relationship, I should inform you of the privacy options available. If one requests ‘privacy mode,’ I will go dormant in the vicinity until such time that one requests the privacy mode to be off. The recording will not be available to anyone, including Sir, unless there is a pressing need, generally involving some sort of law enforcement agency. However--” And here JARVIS paused. “I will, of course, still be monitoring the area, in case of emergencies, and I will retain my full powers to lock or unlock doors, summon help, and inform necessary parties of any relevant information.”
“Oh, good,” Steve said. “Thanks, JARVIS. I’ll remember that.”
“See that you do,” JARVIS said ominously, and went silent.
It took Steve about fifteen minutes to work out that he’d been threatened by Tony’s robot butler. Huh.
two: Clint
“So, you and Nat,” Clint said, while Steve held a punching bag for him.
“Yes,” Steve said, and tried to make it sound as final as possible.
“Look,” Clint said, and stepped back, wiping his forehead with the back of a tape-wrapped hand. “She can take care of herself, obviously, and I’m really sick of shooting good guys, so can you not fuck this up so I don’t have to at least threaten to shoot you?”
Steve nodded. “I’ll do my best.”
“Good.”
three: Tony
“Oh, and by the way?” Tony called. “It’s weird to have to give both parties a threat, but if you break Natasha, you and me and the Mark VIII suit have a date, and not the fun kind. Seriously, I’m just getting used to all of you living here and that whole ‘Avengers Initiative’ thing, and I’d hate to have to break in a new Super Soldier or ex-KGB assassin.”
Steve, standing behind a desk for a modicum of privacy as he changed into a new suit prototype, blinked. He looked over the desk at Tony, who was watching a stream of information flow by on a screen, and said, “You threatened Natasha?”
“Really? That’s what you’re taking home out of this? I said to her that if she broke you we’d have words. I’m not sure that counts as a proper threat, all things considered. I did not actually suggest that I might cause physical violence toward her, although if you’re suggesting I should not do that because she’s female, might I remind you that if she and I went up against each other without the suit, I’d probably end up a grease splat on the floor?” Tony spun on his seat. “Wow, I am not so sure about that shade of red. Also, don’t break Natasha, end of story.”
“Okay, Tony.”
four: Bruce
Over breakfast one morning when it was just the two of them, Bruce set aside his tablet, looked at Steve over his glasses, and said, “Just so you know, I know almost as many ways to blow things up as Tony does, and I have a much worse temper.” He delivered the entire sentence as mildly as he ever did, but held Steve’s gaze for a moment.
Steve nodded. “Crystal clear.”
five: Coulson
Agent Coulson nodded at Steve as he joined him in the elevator and waited a whole five floors before he threw the emergency switch.
The elevator stopped and the red backup lights came on. JARVIS said, “Agent Coulson, do--”
“Not now, JARVIS,” Coulson said.
Steve frowned at him. “What’s going on?”
“I’m sure you know by now that you were my hero when I was a kid, so it’s difficult for me to say this, but I’ve actually known Agent Romanov longer than I’ve known you, and I’m very fond of her, so if you do anything to hurt her, I will be forced to cause you physical pain.”
“Um, all right,” Steve said.
“Just so we’re clear.”
“We’re clear, Agent Coulson.”
“Very good, Captain Rogers.”
and one: Pepper
Two days later, Steve got an invitation to come visit Pepper Potts down in her office on the fortieth floor of Stark Tower.
She sat at her desk, an abstract painting on the wall behind her, dressed in a dark-blue suit, her hair and makeup perfect, and smiled at him. “Natasha’s my friend, but I don’t need to say anything, do I? I’m sure the men all threatened you with various forms of physical violence, explosions, et cetera.”
He nodded. “Yes, ma’am, they did.”
“They do that. I’m not going to, of course, because I trust you.” She smiled a tad broader.
Steve gulped. “Thank you, ma’am.” Oh, dear God. She--No. That was--Great. Now he was scared.
“You’re welcome. Call me Pepper.”
There was no possible way he could call her by her first name, not after that, but he said, “Please call me Steve, then.”
“Steve. I’m glad we had this chat.”
“Yes,” he said, and meant nothing of the sort.
He ran into Tony and Bruce in the elevator on his way back to his floor. “Hey, Cap,” Tony said. “What’s new?”
“Your girlfriend is ruthless,” he said.
Bruce chuckled, and Tony grinned. “I know.”